My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
how drunk are you?
Several
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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