how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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