The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize