Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
