don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
