Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
