I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
