so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
