My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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