you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
