if i can run in heels then i can drive
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
