I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
