i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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