With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
