I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
