I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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