can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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