how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
