new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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