I heard we made out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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