I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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