Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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