her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
