I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
