I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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