last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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