I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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