I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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