Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
