the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Enjoy the penises
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
