think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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