i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
