you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
