I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
