What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
