so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.