You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
