this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.