ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila