In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months