I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
