I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
