a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
