see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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