I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
