do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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