She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
