Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
