i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
