i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
