The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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