Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
