the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.