he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.