they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends