OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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