you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
