he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
