know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
