I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
