I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
