Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need a beard to bite.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
