I think my vagina is haunted
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I still have a little drunk in my system
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize