At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
